What makes me interesting? The scariest question of all time.

One of the scariest and most daunting prospects I often find when going through the process of asking yourself who you really are, and I speak not only for myself on this, but for clients that I work with too, is when you tenuously start to approach the question, what makes me interesting?

In modern day society, we are bombarded with celebrity lifestyle and the ideologies of fitting a stereotype we see as ‘popular’. Its why there has been an astronomical increase in beauty and lifestyle bloggers and instagrammers, all posting things they know appeal to those that are fully sold fixated on trends, finding they attract a lot of followers from embodying this method. With reality TV, glossy magazines and a consumer market that is full to busting with 7 million different variations of the same thing marketed at different demographics based on price and subtle psychology tricks produced by the experts of subliminal marketing, it has become a full proof and easy way of making money which doesn’t hold much integrity.

Business models for being successful on social media are centred around the idea of BECOMING a ‘brand’, projecting yourself in such a way that will entice and engage others in a very short space of time, due to the rise in shortened attention spans as a direct result of the increase in distractive media and things that are easy to produce that get a quick reactionary response that generate millions of likes or views. To follow this method will likely create a fast turnaround in followers, but the substance behind what you are offering, is none existent and will eventually die out when new trends are born, leaving you asking the question that would have avoided that roller-coaster in the first place, what makes me interesting?

Having decided to build my own business, battling with the idea of conforming and projecting myself in ways that were not a true and honest representation of who I am and what I am offering, is something that generated quite an internal battle. I love the work that I do and becoming self employed meant I could do more of that work, assisting others with the skills that I have, which is always what I truly wanted and was the honest intention behind it. Having to spend less time on the things I had to do out of obligation simply to keep myself alive and honouring of my responsibilities. I would watch the vacuous content of bloggers and instagrammers with a multitude of followers to try and understand why it was so popular and what I would need to do to create a fast expanding platform to generate more work and even considered doing things such as modelling work having been approached for it a number of times before, just as a way to boost recognition and ‘followers’ even though it meant nothing to me at all as I never believed that ‘physical beauty’ was a part of a person that made them interesting. For me, it was always the skills the person had.

Who you really are, is very different to who you choose to create yourself to be. Who you are comes from a place of contentment and internal peace, that does not need validation from anyone outside of you and you know when you feel at peace, because you are drawn to things that simply enhance who you are and your internal light, with no underlying intention or thought before engaging in those things that you ‘appeal’ to something or someone in a particular way. When you bend yourself to please and be validated by others, it’s like the equivalent to holding a refraction device on the light, eventually, your arm will get tired and drop and you’ll end up having to ask the real questions about who you are and what makes you interesting anyway. It’s unsustainable.

Next time you go into a supermarket or bar, sit and observe around you, how many conversations you hear where people are discussing people of situations that have nothing to do with them. Then notice how many times you get pulled into doing the same thing. This kind of interaction is not life enhancing because you are attempting to troubleshoot and be validated for your opinion on a situation that you have no control over. It is a waste of your energy. When you first become aware of how often you engage in this, it is quite alarming, but at soon as you make that recognition and become aware of it, you can begin to pull yourself away from it and put your energy to things that genuinely make you an interesting and unique person and start confirming to you who you really are.

Your skills are unique and are the most abundant part of you because they are the part of you that no one can ever take away. They are part of your DNA.

Anyone can post a picture of their dinner, their daily exercise routine and selfie after selfie, but really, what are you gaining from this apart from outside validation and daily bombardment of your face to people so they don’t forget you? And more to the point, ask yourself honestly, how am I enhancing anyone else’s life by projecting myself in this way and asking them give their time and energy to something that is essentially vacious and holds no life enhancing benefits? Only to add to the scrolling nation full of distractions from things that are far more important. You not only have a responsibility to yourself, but a responsibility to others as well in the way that you give yourself to the world.

It does not, by any stretch of the imagination mean that laughter or fun will be taken out of anything because those two things are vital to life, plus, it would be a pretty boring existance without them, but it even comes down to the things you find yourself laughing at and the endorsement of things that are created purely to humiliate others at their expense and upset, just to get a few likes. If you find yourself drawn towards giving those things energy, then they too, hold a very similar energy to the vacuous content of ‘trends’ and are something you need to question within yourself.  

Truly figuring out who you are deep down and being comfortable and confident in that person, is a longer process, there is no doubt about that, it has taken me 28 ½ years, but it is worth it. Trying to become and embody someone else doesn’t expand you or move you along in any way and that is the truth.

Ok building your business may take a little longer and you might feel like you fail a billion times whilst you’re chipping away at the layers of conditioning, and find yourself in situations you’d rather not, but once you get there, you are free from the distractions about who you ‘think’ you are, or who you ‘should’ be and that has more longevity and strength than any trend or fad ever created.

The feeling of being at peace is by far the most favourable emotional state. Excitement and adrenaline are fleeting, and although definitely enjoyable at times, burn up your energy at a phenomenal speed. (Hence why people get hangovers after a night out). The aim is and always will be contentment and peace, you still get the excitement, but you lose the cravings attached to it. Those feelings come when you embody who you were really born to be.

At that point, you’ve officially arrived at base camp.

Be yourself and everything else with fall into place.

Peace out.

Stef

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