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Security, reputation and the idea that ‘the grass is always greener’.

Finding our place of joy and contentment in the world, is ultimately what we seek. The way in which that translates to the human, as I have fundamentally experienced personally this year after attempting to understand how this truly translates, is to feel purpose and security all at the same time. Purpose is our connected call to action which joins us to others and makes us feel like we are needed and have a reason for our existence. Security is the fundamental human needs that keep us alive and secure in our environment. When we do not feel like we have them, we feel unstable and generate the need to seek them. When we are seeking security, we are not in a position to be able to help others and our sense of purpose diminishes as all our energy is being conducted towards seeking security.

As a soon to be new mum, I made a vow after finding out I was pregnant to protect my child unconditionally and to never put my child in a position where he won’t feel secure, which would come directly from me not feeling secure, emotionally and physically speaking. As adults, and having experienced it personally as a child, we forget that the child takes on everything the parents are experiencing, even if you think you are hiding it. When a child is brought into an environment that is emotionally unstable and the parents have constant tribulations with say finances, and they talk about the issues with finances, the children take this on and relive the same lives until they reach a point where they question their own actions and behaviours, forgive the past and start behaving differently towards something that they were taught to have little respect for and was considered a pain point as a child. It basically becomes normality until it becomes such a pain point that it is questioned.

There are many a new age movements that condemn the commercial monetary system and for most of my life, I too was one of these people. It is used as a point of blame for many and the reason that the way that the world is and why there is so much suffering, and although the creation of this system in the first place, was for the interest of the few and not the all, it is such a part of the human way of life and mentally, an easy way for the brain to track relative exchange, and be able to differentiate somethings worth in a computable way, that trying to fight against it, tear it down and blame it, would be entirely counterproductive. We can’t blame the positions we choose to be in because of the way things were in the past. We can recognise that things were not done in an honourable way or that we involved ourselves with and choose to trust people that were untrustworthy in their actions and make conscious action not to do it again, but we simply cannot move forward with our lives, however it appears to look different on the surface, if we are still dragging up and dancing with the past and using those things to satisfy our egos so that we can still play the victim. Whilst there is ever still blame present, the things we really want to experience, live in a different reality to the one we are in and will feel constantly unattainable because they will appear to slip out of our grasp. The choice to move beyond those challenges and to behave differently is entirely up to us. Hypothetical thinking, never helps anyone because you can only ever make a difference in what is faced directly infront of you, never behind you.

When we have security and purpose in our lives, we have the holy grail. We are balanced and united, when we are without them, we are selfish and live our lives always thinking the grass is always greener and are always reaching for the next fix of excitement, never really seeing what we already have. Our reputation for how we want our lives to ‘appear’ on the surface takes president with very little substance backing it up. Look at Christmas as an example, if you spend your whole year looking forward to this one day, what are you doing with the other 364 days? It’s not the epitome of human happiness but simply a grass is always greener marker because there is so much hype attached to it and you can distract everyone with presents, celebrations and food.

The thing we have confused as humans, is equating hierarchal status as happiness. The word abundance has been misinterpreted to mean ‘expensive’ meaning that is something is seemingly hard to reach, then it must have more value than the things that are easy. Interestingly, living in London for 2 months, has taught me this more defiantly than anything else. My partner and I were looking at properties that were almost 3 times the rent of what we would get in Leicester for the same thing, coupled with the fact that there were 10 million other people all trying to crowd into the same space. It angered me that someone had the audacity to charge such an extortionate amount of money, for something that you wouldn’t have a rat live in, through the guise of the rose tinted glasses of living in the capital city, which somehow made it acceptable. It is incredibly unbalanced so we have decided not to feed that system and live somewhere instead that makes it easy for my partner to commute into London where we are actually getting a fair exchange in living costs that will actually support us and the new life we will be bringing into the world in January and where we can live comfortably.

Seeing things for what they really are, when there is so much hype, excitement and false expectations created by what we think respect and abundance looks like, takes genuine intervention and honesty with yourself as you have to stop caring about what others think in those situations, which is one of the most challenging things the human mind has to let go of.

People don’t necessarily remember the things you say in the long run. But they remember the things you do and how you made them feel.

Words are easy, actions take courage and reputation rebuilding takes time.

So, if you find yourself idolising and continuously looking forward to things that appear in front of you, ask yourself honestly, what are you still blaming that is stopping you seeing and accepting those things now? It’s all inside you.

Have a great day!

Stef

To book a one to one session or explore further, visit- www.stefbaker.com

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