Identifying the ‘ego’.

What is the ego?

This question has left me pondering recently for the most effective way to communicate it. Particularly as in the line of work I am in, it is a concept that comes up very frequently and a phrase I hear regularly which is to ‘kill the ego’. The word ‘ego’ has long connected itself with negative connotations. Ultimately, it has become a box in which we place our own or others attributes that we don’t like and when we come into contact with it and write it off as the ego surfacing as a way of disconnecting or disassociating.

Don’t like the way someone is behaving? We have learnt to identify it with an attribute of ego. What we forget is that humans are engineered to experience things in a material way. This is not a negative attribute but simply our engineering. We are also engineered to expand, so the way that we can define ‘ego’ is by looking at it from the viewpoint of productive versus unproductive behaviour to the individual and not looking at it from a negative or positive viewpoint and boxing everything we wish to disassociate with as ‘the ego’.

Unproductive behaviour is when a task is undertaken that either distracts you from other meaningful tasks that would contribute to personal expansion, as a result of bypassing emotional or physical elements that you would rather not engage in that would be for your highest good. A continued cycle of unproductive behaviour leads to patterns of addiction, which then create blockages in the human electrical system (the mind and body as a whole) that then have to be re-set requiring a much longer process than if they were identified and intentionally redirected in the first place. Addictions in any form, compromise the entire system and affect others as a result. We can identify these clearly in others when the persons chosen behaviour starts to need a reliance of support from others just to keep the individual ‘stable’ in those chosen unproductive actions. This can even come down to an addiction to physical beauty where the person needs constant reassurance and financial imbursing to the detriment of other basic survival needs to validate their own investment into the physical form or an addiction to alcohol whereby the person needs constant love, affection and awareness from others to stop the person engaging in dangerous acts as a result of the drinking with no effective actions taken to change. The behaviour itself creates a drag on others lives as a result of its own actions.

You can generate and create an addiction or an unproductive distraction to anything. (yes, even meditation or activities that are defined as ‘spiritual’ in nature) Depending on your environment and the communal activities you have grown up with, are generally in which the ways that hold the most potential for addiction because you will be surrounded by others that hold the same characteristics and will continue to perpetuate that behaviour without questioning it as it will be seen as a sense of ‘social conformity’ (sneaky I know!) which is what makes the behaviour more challenging to break. In these cases, if you have identified a linked addiction in those areas, the most effective way to deal with them is to eradicate them completely (go cold turkey!) until you and your connected group (family) no longer holds the same patterns and association with that particular activity of addiction as the mind is a powerful thing which you will need to learn to work with and will constantly be reminded of the painful characteristics and experiences linked to that particular activity until they no longer exist and memories are no longer relevant as new ones have been generated. It basically means the activity has to have been eradicated from all for a substantial length of time and each linked individual has moved on and no longer has any involvement or active association in it. The most challenging aspect to move past when moving out of addiction, is the sadness that is experienced (which is the emotional upside to withdrawal) which is a natural product of change and the time you will feel most inclined to get involved with the activity you are moving on from again. Remember you won’t miss out as there are loads of other things you will find enjoyment in, and get the time to identify your enjoyment in that don’t require engagement in things that don’t serve you anymore.

Who you are as an individual is very important and to view material or commercial activities as egoic in nature, is simply a form of isolated judgement, or an ‘unproductive’ dismissal of something that is important as part of the human experience. It is simply a way of disassociating and creating a sense of judgement towards something as it indirectly creates a hierarchy.

In modern day society, this concept of the ego has created a split between the material and the non material, the non material fixation being ‘spiritual’ and the objective of growth and ascension and the material being counterproductive and a byproduct of ego. In truth, there is no ‘good or bad’, ‘right or wrong’ approach to anything, only the intention behind what it is you are engaged in.

The brain is a work of art and an incredibly intelligent piece of engineering in the way that it holds safety mechanisms to help stop you impulsively jumping into anything before taking time to consider all options but we have jumped on this idea that the ego relays ‘fear’ to us, when we are considering doing something that is new to us and outside of our comfort zone and it is attempting to hold us back which has bred negative connotations associated with the brain which is not what it is attempting to do at all. When addiction is present, the unconscious and conscious safety mechanisms become compromised as the brain and body are working hard to filter out anything that is attempting to create a distraction in the system, and it makes it much more difficult for the brain to communicate through this mechanism to help rationalise impulsive behaviour. When addiction isn’t present however, there is no need to try and ‘edge the ego out’ as the fear or perceived judgments that present themselves are simply communicating to you in a way that gets you to slow down and consider the option in front of you in a balanced way to avoid impulsive choices that you may find aren’t for your best interests or showing at a time when you would not be able to fully commit to them. Of course, they may end up being an incredible match for you and where you’re at in your life, but you’ll never fully know until you slow down and consider all options.

Doing things that you enjoy that are considered ‘commercial’ in nature every now and again are not negative and are not a detriment to your character in any way. They are part of who you are and how you enjoy and express yourself as a human. The only time you need to question those activities is if you are unable to let them go and can’t focus on anything else until they have been indulged. When they are not elicited from a place of neutral excitement and joy but as a sneaky distraction.

When you are being completely open and honest about who you are, and entirely accepting of that person and that person’s ability to change and adapt, there is nothing you can do that would be a false reflection that is a product of unproductive behaviour or judgement- ego. That person is also multifaceted, with different aspects that are relevant and called forward at different times. This does not mean by any stretch that when different aspects present themselves, you have a split in your personality or a confused sense of self that is so often flagged as ‘ego behaviour’ if you do not fit a standardised criteria accepted in modern society and exercise behaviours and beliefs that fit into more than one box.

You are many things, all at once. Your personality is a beautiful and important part of you and wants to work with you. Without it, we would all be exactly the same- where would be the fun in that? What would you ever learn or see valuable in anyone else if we eradicated that part of us?

Bored. And without a sense of purpose.

When you are true to who you are, you feel relaxed. When you are trying to be something you are not, you feel exhausted, because the mental configuring that takes place in this process drains the life force out of you, it’s like continuously translating everything you say into a language you’re not fluent in.

So, next time someone starts slandering the ego in your presence, ask them what they think the ego actually is. The responses may surprise you!

Have a great rest of the day!

Stef 🙂

To book a one to one session, and to explore further- visit http://www.stefbaker.com

Facebook: /stefintuitive

Instagram @stefbakerofficial

Photo credit to shutterstock.com

#medic #selfdevelopment #business #spiritual #selfhelp #research #ego #addiction #london #motivation #advice #neuroscience #psychology #spirit #media #newageconcepts #intuitive