The deception of reward- the most challenging mentality for the ego to let go of and how to do it.

When we look at the process of change, the reality is, unless you are pushed to a point where the ego has no choice but to change or to accept other ideas of change, it is a much more challenging process then we give it credit for, and often don’t congratulate others enough for undergoing such a radical change in behaviour because on the outset, we see their decision to become a better version of themselves as easy or judge them for it being the way we think they ‘should’ have behaved in the first place. Its often swept under the rug to such a degree that it is only those with a tremendous amount of courage, or what I would deem the ‘warriors’ of change, are the ones that continue to better themselves in this way, knowing fully well, they are the trailblazers in this game, without the expectation or support from others, fully aware that others do not have a full understanding or acknowledgement of this process yet to recognise that the smallest of changes takes the most tremendous amount of willpower and action and should always be congratulated.

Change is not a process that happens simply over the night. It is a process that has to be nurtured with patience over time, the true testiment to unconditional love.

We have, in society, particularly since the creation of computers and the internet, become attached to the notion of being ‘rewarded’ for hard work, that in some way, life owes us, should we choose to do something honourable. We have listed the notion of behaving ‘honourably’ as something so rare that and asks so much of us that the only way we will agree to do it, is if there is a golden carrot hanging there for us at the end of it to collect and show off to the world. This reward system is apparent and obvious everywhere you go in modern society as we have structured a system that honours this process of reward.

Instantaneous gratification consumerism. Things that give us that momentary buzz. On a scientific level, something that holds so many high energy or excitable particles in such a small space that it elevates you and puts you in a momentary altered space of reality that disconnects you from everything else.

The bar and hospitality industry is saturated. The consumer industry, also completely saturated with a billion different variations of the same thing, only labelled in different ways that make them ‘appear’ different when really, they generate the exact same effect, only eliciting a different response from the way they are priced. One of the most incredible and astonishing trends that I almost can’t get my head around, for those of you from the UK or particularly familiar with the current UK consumer market, is the current trend of Gin. There are gin bars and connoisseurs popping up everywhere. Alcohol is still one of the cheapest products to manufacture and the mark up, even to buy it commercially, let alone as a specialist item from a bar, is astronomical, and incredibly imbalanced for what endorsing in the product and the experience actually gives you in return. The brewers and distillery companies earn a staggering amount of money for tapping into something that gives individuals a momentary buzz for an extortionate price in return. They understand and exploit the deceptive reward system.

Being alive and able to experience life on a multidimensional physical reality like earth is a gift. We don’t need to be rewarded for being here, in the same way, that we don’t have to justify our own existence. We are here because we chose to be and we chose to experience life as a human.

One of the oldest and distorted mentalities we have developed in this system is the elevated importance of bringing in money as being the most important and reward worthy factor equating to personal happiness and validation and we have completely forgotten the honour of the role of being a provider. The amount of times I was working behind the bar and hear the words ‘I’ve had a long week so i’m rewarding myself with a few beers’, I wouldn’t even care to count. Working a full time job to provide for yourself as well as a family, is an honour and the fact that you have a family to love and care for is in itself beautiful that requires no additional reward. What people have a tendency to overlook is that, by being the primary financial provider, you are not just assisting others in that way, but you are taking care of yourself as well. You are not loosing out in any way. The reward mentality is simply the egos way of validating your existence in a completely falsely validating way. The validation itself? To feel empowered in the part that you are playing for what you bring to the table and to see the happiness in those around you, knowing that you are a part of that. What you have to remember though, if you are what you would consider the ‘financial provider’ at that moment in time, does not mean that the parts the other people in that team or family play are not as important. You are meeting a portion of the physical needs in that group, but there are also emotional and other physical needs that need tending to that you are not being asked to provide that are being provided by another player in that group.

To offer your support to another, in whatever way that shows or manifests itself purely on what your skill set is at that moment in time, does not mean that is the role you will play forever. There are no prizes for a long and dedicated career where you feel exhausted and resentful of it by the end and have drunk away the majority of your wages in the form of fermented fruits because you didn’t state your needs at the time and chose to see hard work as a form of punishment that needed reward. All that is entirely down to you. Your perspective is the most powerful tool that you have. You can literally feel it in your body if you are being taken advantage of or allowing yourself to be taken advantage of in that way because your body loves you and will communicate with you all the time if you just listen. If you feel tired and drained after certain things regularly, and are finding you are ill or unbalanced as a result, then that is your bodies way of saying, this does not serve me anymore and something has to change.

Hangovers are the most literal form of communication that I can think of. You are asked to hand over a large proportion of your earnings, for something that gives you a few elevated hours of feeling ‘excitable’ in exchange for the feeling of becoming addicted to excitement in a way that something else outside of you has now become heavily, if not, solely responsible for it, add to that, a huge demand of time that goes into the next day, along with any extra comfort foods and compulsive spending necessary, just to bring you back into a state where you feel operational again and physically balanced and you are basically being taken for a ride willingly.

This is why breaking away from the ideology of seeing things that relate to the elevated momentary response of excitement are the most challenging thing to break away from when altering your perspective or behaviour because they require willpower and the ability to walk away from a preferred state.

So, how do you start breaking away from those mentalities that are purely centered around the notion of ‘reward’? First identify them. Make time to honestly ask your body how it feels when you engage in those activities. Your mind can make an endless number of reasons or stories to justify and distort the truth and find ways to act out but your body won’t lie. If you feel repeatedly drained around a person, that is your cue that you are not appreciated and it is time to say something and stand your ground. If that person does not understand or appreciate your stance, then break yourself away and offer your time and skills to someone that will.

When it comes to physical attachments, again, your body will do the talking. If you feel physically drained or depleted when engaging in something then it is also, no longer of service to you. With things that generate the quick feelings of excitement that have no longevity in what they are creating and are often associated with things that put you into an altered state, you will notice your body or your surroundings feel drained AFTERWARDS as a result. This means after engaging in these activities, you feel financially strained as a result afterwards where your basic needs then become a struggle to be met and cause mental panic along with it. Don’t get the mental panic mixed up with an egoic argument that will naturally surface when you are letting go of something, having all the things necessary for basic survival will never create a feeling of strain, the strain will only show itself if those basic needs are not being met or being threatened by compulsive behaviour. If financial viability is not a strain for you, strain can also show up in the way the people you share genuine unconditional love connections with start to feel as a result of your behaviour. Either way, you won’t ever be able to avoid these things and blaming others for how you feel will never work.

You are responsible for your behaviour, your past and others; are not.

Having these deep and honest conversations with yourself is challenging and breaking away from situations, people and physical things that no longer serve you will always bring up an argument from the ego trying to get you to stay and play in the comfort of what your mind thinks it knows. Having come up against this time and time again over the years with ex-friends, ex-spouses, alcohol and compulsive spending, I fully understand the challenges. The reality is, people still playing the games you are walking away from will initially judge you and want to lash out at you because by walking away, you are asking them to challenge their own decisions and behaviour too in a way that to them looks like it is out of their control, as someone that they respect. They will often accuse you of thinking you are ‘better’ than them and that something isn’t ‘good enough’ for you and that you are ‘ungrateful’ and reject you initially out of spite. As long as you accept these reactions as a worst case scenario, then the rest of it is easy. To feel empowered and in control of your own decisions for what is best for you, is worth every part of the challenging aspects to change. Eventually, others will look to you for support when they are ready to do it for themselves too, but they have to be ready and willing and in the meantime, releasing from something that no longer serves you comes with the most beautiful overwhelming sense of freedom.

Happy Monday, make this week count! Today is an incredibly powerful day where we experience the Solar Eclipse, opening a new gateway of experience to the brave and courageous. Only give your thoughts to the things you want and prefer and let the rest go!

Stef x

To book and explore my services and social media- http://www.stefbaker.com

Facebook: /stefintuitive

Instagram: @stefbakerofficial

#selfdevelopment #business #lawofattraction #selfhelp #psychic #consciousness #healer #therapy #science #help #psychology #change #mindfullness #media #news #positive #freeadvice #healthcare #truth #intuitive #healing #honesty