top of page
Search

The Human compass- Compassion, purpose & gossip

I think one of the most interesting lessons that we come across as human beings, is recognising the true meaning of ‘compassion’. It’s something that I have found has drawn my attention quite frequently recently and I feel it is something that the true meaning of which, is quite confused.

There are a million and one different words for expressing compassion, most of which deliver no real emotional charging behind the words. We have, in Western society in particular, become so clever at intelligent word manipulation to coerce others into believing we are offering compassion that the true application has been actively bypassed. So I thought I would take this opportunity today to explain the active meaning of compassion as I figured it’s a pretty important part of life.

Feeling we have purpose in our lives, at an emotional level, is actually what drives us forward. For those that have dabbled in the spiritual community and explored spiritual teachings, the idea of finding purpose dances around waving at you a lot and inadvertently puts tremendous pressure on us as individuals as the ‘idea’ of purpose, when not fully understood, can cause unnecessary stress .

We have, for eons, believed that true purpose shows itself through sifting through the suffering and trenches of life to achieve something at the end that paints us as the hero. We are engineered to feel like we need to earn it and whatever our purpose is, is going to be radical in its design once it shows up. In truth, purpose is what you feel compassionately drawn to that gets you out of bed in the morning. It can be as simply beautiful and elegant as a father getting out bed every day to provide for his family. Feeling purpose towards something that affects another is what truly drives us forward.

There is also a law that science is close to discovering that for now we call ‘the law of entanglement’ which will scientifically prove the entanglement of particles from distances that defy relative time. These particles respond to each others vibrational state so effectively ‘feel’ each other and communicate non verbally at long distances. This will actually prove that purpose and compassion is always a two person game and will explain why we are connected to certain individuals and not others.

Watch. This. Space.

Now, the mind is a very intelligent machine and if you deliver the word purpose to a person that is still dealing with their own inner lessons of self worth, the mind can take this ideology and attempt to own it as an identity and attach to it that your purpose is to ‘fix’ others. Regardless of how ‘spiritual’ or ‘helpful’ the person appears to be. The intention to fix another human being is completely driven from the person’s own personal agenda, commonly known in the psychology world as embodying ‘saviour complex. In truth, nothing really ever needs ‘fixing’, if some form of dissonance within the person shows itself, all it ever needs is an approach from a new or different perspective. The application of new energy.

This is actually physics in its design, as Einstein so eloquently once wrote ‘the true meaning of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result’. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, so to ‘heal’ often denotes that you are taking something away which means it has to be replaced by something new to give it new meaning and dimension. This is how energetic exchange works. The matter and the anti matter. Say for example, a person experiences heart failure. The person then receives a new heart through very successful surgery, the heart is healthy and completely integrates with the person’s body and works efficiently. 3 months down the line, the person then experiences heart failure again and requires another new heart. The original energy was replaced with the same energy, however, the dissonance actually involves asking deeper questions, because the new like for like energy did not lead to new understanding so it shows itself again to be approached from a new perspective. Replacing the person with another healthy heart, not questioning it any further and expecting a different outcome would be the definition of insanity. Dissonances only ever show themselves in the mind and body when there is something new to be learnt and experienced. Seeing any form of dissonance as something that needs to be healed or fixed places you back at stage one again, ready for the lesson to show up somewhere else down the line.

Having experienced both sides of the coin, whether or not this ‘fixing’ is delivered in the form of cellular energy work or medical science, both offer the same outcome. If the intention is to fix, it places the person into the exact same state they were in before and nothing is learnt. It’s all one and the same, however it looks on the surface, there is no separation between the physical and non physical application, the medical and the spiritual, only ever the intention.

The true meaning of compassion is the complete removal of personal judgement, it isn’t something that can’t be put into words but something that flows through you emotionally that given any circumstance, given the opportunity to assist someone in front of you whether it be with a skill, or monetary assistance, calling an ambulance for someone that is unconscious or even offering a reassuring compliment when a person is in the pits of self doubt, it is the unbiased help that you give that asks for nothing in return. That is compassion. It is action based and does not think about personal agenda. It gives because it wants to and this deep love for humanity resides in each of us. Now, compassion also covers the less favourable emotions too, that huge little word that many of us that work in front line service have difficulty saying….NO. The way to recognise when compassionately saying no is important and actually beneficial to the other person, is either, when a person becomes reliant on you and saying yes would take away from you something that you need to stay balanced, ie; your basic human needs would be compromised, (the emotional signal given for this is in this particular situation is irritation or a sudden feeling of being drained) or, if what that person is requesting is a complete indulgence, ie; something that person really doesn’t need to feel balanced, but are effectively attempting to exercise control over you- a demand for conditional love. Continued indulgence (the ultimate ego massage)  is the byproduct of emotional bypass so by indulging a person in this way, you are assisting in preventing them from dealing with recognising their own emotional dissonances.

Compassion however, is not something you can convince the mind to understand until it is faced with a situation where compassion is asked of you. There are of course measures that you can take to reprogram the mind so that when you are faced with a situation that asks compassion of you, that you do not refuse it. Number one is to pull yourself away from conversations that would be considered ‘gossip’. Gossip is vocalised judgement of a situation that does not concern or have any direct connection to you. It can be a direct vocal attack on a person you are not directly connected to, involved with or have any personal experience with, or, a generalisation of a group of people that you are attacking using ‘labels’. It can also be something you don’t actually feel any emotional connection to or have any real physical understanding of, but are simply reiterating someone else’s judgement of that situation to feel involved. Gossiping reinforces the area of the brain that isolates judgements which makes it harder to recognise the pull of compassion because you effectively have to listen to all those judgements pulled up by your own brain before you recognise the unbiased pull of compassion to act and the brain can be very persuasive pushing you to walk away from compassion if it is buried under layers of judgement. Vocalising something is very powerful on the subconscious mind so the more you gossip, the harder compassion becomes to recognise.

Another way to start rewiring those neural pathways that have habitually gossiped their whole life, is to actively look for a positive or relatable thing in every person that you meet, however deep you have to look. This rewires the brain to look for and recognise beauty and potential in others before personal experience with that person comes into play. This way you give everyone a chance, which in itself, is an act of compassion and breaks down substantial barriers of judgement.

Purpose and compassion go hand in hand so until you recognise the unbiased act of compassion and truly feel it, purpose will have a hard time showing itself in its true identity. It can also show itself in very unexpected ways.

At the start of my journey, I found that I tended to attract and enter into relationships or fixations with men that were emotionally unavailable. I would find myself giving everything of myself to the point of ending up in emotional turmoil and completely drained only to have my emotional needs completely unmet. I would see every small act of kindness or outreach as the man starting to open up and become accepting to unconditional love, only to bounce back to habitual behaviours very quickly. I always saw the best in people, the potential of who they could be, which is why I gave them so many chances. It is just part of who I am. Until I started to see the pattern and actively remove myself from situations where I entered into emotional exchanges with emotionally unavailable men because I had been through it enough times, did I understand that understanding human behaviour was what go me out of bed in the morning. I had learnt and explored everything I possibly could about the human psyche and it had led me to open up gifts for reading others that went beyond the physical application of psychology just through having these exchanges. I learnt through the means of active participation and suddenly I recognised what I was passionate about in the most unexpected way possible.

For many of us, this is how we discover that meaning of purpose. Granted, there will always be those individuals that know from when they started walking what they came here to do, but for most of us, we have to figure it out along the way and the only way that you can do that is by being a fully fledged participant in all aspects of life because there are always hidden potential depths waiting to arise in any situation. Compassion will often be tested in the most uncomfortable way because when you can compassionately look beyond personal pain and send that person genuine heartfelt love and acceptance, just for who they were and the part they played in your life, without the need to engage physically with them again, you will find it much easier to connect and find compassion for others. Compassion asks you to let go of who you thought that you were, which is the hardest thing that we humans have to do because it involves dying in the physical life and our brain fights hard to hold onto that security blanket.

Nothing is ever more important than love for each other, however misdirected it looks on the surface.

So ask yourself honestly..what gets me out of bed in the morning? You will always be given an answer, all you ever have to do is pose the question. You might be surprised about what you discover when you take the time to listen.

Much love as always,

Stef

Twitter: @quantumgymnast

 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page