Debunking The False Teachings Around Forgiveness

The idea of how forgiveness has been sold, has long been a point of ingenuity in the spiritual field. The idea of forgiveness was adopted from religious doctrines that specified that entry to heaven was dependent on your ability to forgive one another and in turn, the ability to forgive the self through redemption. These templates have been passed on for generations creating a destructive loop that has kept individuals subconsciously locked into an archaic structure, even those that do not practice religion or identify with a religious background, these very seeds have been part of the silent frameworks for the very communities we have all been born into and have been in operation from. This was also taken into the modern ‘spiritual community’ approach and broadcast in a slightly different way, and has been predisposed that our ability to forgive another is a direct mirror reflection of forgiveness towards the self- so if someone outside of us behaves abhorrently towards us, therefore it must be a direct reflection of something we have done which is also incorrect. If this was true, free will would not be an active part of the human being which it very much is. We are not and have never been in control of how another behaves. We have been sold the idea that forgiveness is what we need to do in order to be felt and seen as a good person and to be of a high vibratory state but in truth, holding a high vibration has nothing to do with these things but is attributed to authenticity. The truth in how we are feeling and the true repercussions of our experience as opposed to trying to mould ourselves to how someone else thinks we should feel and think.

The ability to forgive is actually fuelled by an alchemised combination of both desire and need. We cannot remove ourselves from our human selves as we are not here to escape the experience of being human but to experience it for everything it has to offer. It’s why we are here, to discover and remember who we are as individuals and what we have to offer the world through the experience of being here. We are an infinite soul inside the vehicle of a finite structure which means that the biological mechanisms, psychological dispositions and human behaviour towards another through the initiation of personal boundaries and self identified limitation is how we can operate effectively and harmoniously in this realm. Without the integration and true engagement of these two parts, we cannot operate from a space of authenticity and alignment.

Before we engage in the process of forgiveness in our lives as to allow ourselves to forgive another for their wrongdoings that impacted us in a painful way, we must be clear and honest on whether or not this is something that we truly want. It is a huge commitment as anything we work to transform from a place of deep pain requires a huge amount of energy. When we have been hurt knowingly many times over by many people, which, at this point in history is prevalent through a huge portion of the human race because of the dysfunctional underlying communal structures we have all been living in accordance with, it is self elected torture to assign ourselves to spending our whole lives working through each one trying to come to a point of healing and forgiveness with all of them. We choose the ones that are truly worth the battle as the lesson on forgiveness does not have to be learnt many times, but only once in a thorough and deep way.

Forgiveness does not and cannot take place without a genuine authentic desire to forgive. We have to feel that something will be worth that much energy and time in order to invest in the process of conscious interactive forgiveness with that person. It is the same as anything we undertake or undergo in this reality. The things that are truly worth the adversity and challenges are the things we know we genuinely really care about and desire to pursue and take action on.

It has been sold as complete disillusion, and one of the most prohibiting templates active that keeps people bound into the forgiveness cycle, is the idea that given family ties, are binding contracts to always need to be honoured for us to be ‘good people’ and be granted access to ‘heaven’- which is and has always been, something that we build here on earth by removing the lens’ and templates that have kept us in a place believing that is is somewhere beyond where we are. Even the very notion of working an unfulfilling job and working for the weekend, is a direct byproduct of this very template. Many bind themselves as they have brought an idea that it is their duty to keep the family together otherwise they will be punished, bypassing the truth of how they are really feeling denying them access to their own inner authority, even with the pain body screaming so loudly to get them to pay attention that it even starts manifesting as physical imbalance. This template, at this level, dictates that one cannot be happy or enjoy the abundance of life, until they all are on the same page thus unconsciously behaving to fulfil this template. Again, adopting this template as gospel takes away the free will of all connected parties to decide what they want for themselves, which means that it is particularly through the idealised family structure, that we are responsible for forgiving others we have been closely connected to for a long time or a part of our family structure as it has been seen as a duty, even when the connections have become so deeply dysfunctional that they no longer offer any sense of support and it would be of the highest benefit for the parties to separate and engage in new networks that offer them a sense of the support they cannot get from the existing dynamics as the pain body has been the predominant active engagement in these connections. This also honours each as an individual the chance to find support in new ways and honours that everyone deserves happiness outside of where they think it has to be found even when they have made mistakes in the past, that no one on this earth is exempt from.

To spend a life forgiving those for behaving in ways that were outside of our control that impacted us in deeply painful ways when we have encountered it many times over keeps us stuck in a cyclical loop inside a prison of pain because we continue to revisit these scenarios over and over again, punishing ourselves even though deep down we have no genuine desire to. The only way we can move past this cycle, is to reach a place whereby we simply accept these things that have happened and from that and use them as a benchmark to initiate a boundary for what you will accept from others going forward. This is how you truly use your inner authority from a place of integrity and authenticity because it is anchored in experience and not a byproduct of trying to gain power and control. It also allows for the space of what others boundaries are too, as they may not be the same as yours, you also allow them the space of their inner authority as the result of past experience to emerge and stand in its true essence too by stating what they will and will not accept. From there we can then take the initiative to understand whether a connection or partnership will work based on the person's personal boundaries and needs and whether they are compatible with ours in a way that works harmoniously.

Stef Baker